Musings While Medicated: Lessons From Harry Potter

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This screenshot from Tumblr was posted on a FB fanpage. Whether it’s canon or fanfic I don’t know. There are many Dramione fanfics. But from it is the crux of this post.

You could use many words to describe me.
3 of them are Hufflepuff, Jew, and stoner. I have no problem with any of these descriptors. I’m a proud badger, I’m proud of my heritage, and MMJ ended my benzo addiction.

One of the comments on this screenshot caught my interest, I think it may have been someone claiming this was their OTP (don’t quite remember, it’s been a shitty day and I’m baked). But a comment on that comment was “No way! Hashtag Pureblood Hashtag HeilHitler” Someone actually liked it!

Mortified, I asked that person not to go there. Did he learn nothing from HP? The whole rise of Voldemort was compared to Hitler. Grindelwald was compared to WWI. Pureblood wizards…pure Aryan blood…hello? No more Hitler, no more Voldy, accepting everyone. No Hogsmeade Wall, accepting people for what they believe, where they come from, who they love, the type of magic they do, or if they do magic at all. He responded in a total douchebag manner. I decided to block him and report the post. In the process of clicking on the offensive comment, I clicked on the HH hashtag. Facebook loaded tons of public posts using that horrible hashtag. A few referenced Trump followers so I ignored them.

For those who aren’t aware 4/20 (stoner Christmas) was also Hitler’s birthday. Plus the birthday of my abusive grandfather but that’s another story. There were so many horribly offensive posts about killing minorities, glorifying Hitler, and smoking a doobie in his name.  I reported about a dozen posts before I couldn’t take it any more and broke down in tears. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!

Musings While Medicated: Rom-Coms are bullshit.

TRIGGERS THERE SHALL BE!

Years ago, I worked at Target for a while. Every 2 weeks we got paid and I bought one of the cheap movies. I have amassed quite a collection of movies, most of them I don’t usually feel like watching. I like them but they make me sad. They remind me of times when my life was different but was a lie.

A few days ago I was watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding; today I was watching 50 First Dates (after having a massive panic attack). Both are rom-coms where the men go amazing lengths for the women they love. In one, it’s religious conversion. In another, it’s learning to help with a disability. But life ain’t a fucking rom-com! It’s difficult to find someone who is willing to make sacrifices for their partner. Or even comprise.

He said he loved me, that he’d convert to Judaism for me. It was a long distance relationship so I found a synagogue near him. But he never did anything with the information. Instead, he hurt me. He’d travel to see me and sexually assault me. He lied, ignored me, didn’t have good hygiene, and used me like a fuck doll.

Then I thought the good guy in the movie of life was coming into save me. He knew what the rapist did to me. He said he’d stick with me and help me heal. I had goals for life. The hero said he’d take the steps necessary to help me make those goals. But he wasn’t able to stick around long enough to let me heal nor was he also to make the steps. We aren’t living in a little cottage where I can take life day by day and he is a handiman for people as he liked to do. I was once again without anyone.

Now I don’t even have family. I’m a pariah and they moved me away from them so they don’t have to deal with me. So now I have me. Max and I. ┬áLife is not a romantic comedy! You don’t always have the perfect loving group of people around you, you don’t have a knight in shining armor, but you have real life. Hold life, push out your presence, do self care, feel empowered. You must think of yourself first. Whether someone helps you or not, you can ALWAYS care for yourself. Don’t be dependent on someone else. That way you always have yourself. This might not be easy and may take time but it’s very worth it. Do for yourself before you can do for others. You can’t change your whole life for some at the drop of a hat. LIFE IS NOT A ROM-COM!