Unapologetic Bitch

It’s International Women’s Day (when I started to write this) so you probably expected me to write about feminism, ableism towards women, trans women, childfree women, the prevelance of abuse and rape culture or some other typical women’s rights topic. But I’m a woman and I’m going to write about whatever I damn well please!

This is a Madonna song from her “RebelHeart” album. It’s called “Unapologetic Bitch”. Video is below, lyrics below that

Woke up this morning feeling good that you were gone
Hurt for a while, but I’m finally moving on
Said it, did it, hit it, quit it
Then you let it go
See you tryin’ to call me, but I blocked you on my phone
It took a minute, but now I’m feeling strong
It almost killed me, but I’m better off alone
Now you’re saying that you’re sorry, I don’t wanna know
Better face the fact you had to go

It might sound like I’m an unapologetic bitch
But sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is
It might sound like I’m an unapologetic bitch
But sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is

You know you never really knew how much you loved me till you lost me
Did you?
You know you never really knew how much your selfish bullshit cost me
Well fuck you

It might sound like I’m an
It might sound like I’m an

I know you’d like it if I sat at home and cried
But that ain’t gonna happen, here’s the reason why
When we did it, I’ll admit it, wasn’t satisfied
When the gun was loaded you were never on the side
I’m popping bottles that you can’t even afford
I’m throwing parties and you won’t get in the door
Said it, get it, love it, hate it
I don’t care no more
Tell me how it feels to be ignored

It might sound like I’m an unapologetic bitch
But sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is
It might sound like I’m an unapologetic bitch
But sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is

You know you never really knew how much you loved me till you lost me
Did you?
You know you never really knew how much your selfish bullshit cost me
Well fuck you

It might sound like I’m an
It might sound like I’m an

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whoa
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whoa
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whoa
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whoa

It might sound like I’m an
It might sound like I’m an

It might sound like I’m an unapologetic bitch
But sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is
It might sound like I’m an unapologetic bitch
But sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is

You know you never really knew how much you loved me, till you lost me
Did you?
You know you never knew how much your selfish bullshit cost me
Well, fuck you

It might sound like I’m an unapologetic bitch
But sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is
It might sound like I’m an unapologetic bitch
But sometimes you know I gotta call it like it is

It might sound like I’m an
It might sound like I’m an”

It’s been almost 4 years since I left the cheating asshole. He cheated on me for a year! I gave him so many chances and he said he’d stop, he’d change, but he didn’t and I was done. I packed up and moved out. I admit that I was upset for quite awhile, I was with him for almost 8 years. He had also helped me through some very difficult parts of my life. But then he stabbed me in the back!

He frequently apologizes for not being a better husband, wishing he had done better by me, wishing he had gone to therapy with me as I asked him to. Well, it’s too fucking late! There’s no DeLorean to get into and go change the past. So fuck you!

Do you know how many times I forced myself to have sex with you when I found it repulsive? EVERY FUCKING TIME!  I faked orgasms to make you happy. Every time I looked up at you, grinding away at me with no concern for my feelings, I saw my abusive ex. It was like being raped again, every single time! You said that you wanted to help me, to “fix” me. What you wanted was a wife who was a tiger in the bedroom who would also support you financially. I put up with your selfish bullshit for long enough! You have no FUCKING clue what that did to my soul! I was depressed like I never had been before. Life, as I knew it, was, was over.

So, FUCK YOU! FUCK YOUR CHEATING, FUCK YOUR LYING, FUCK YOUR DRINKING, FUCK YOUR “PROMISES”, FUCK YOUR SECRETS, BUT MOST OF ALL-FUCK YOU!

Maybe I’m an unapologetic bitch but I gotta call it like it is.

 

 

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The 5th Night of Hanukkah-a look at the past.

This is the 5th night of Hanukkah and I miss my grandparents. I talk to Grandma every week but Grandpa no longer remembers me, dementia. They were born in the same year as the lovely woman singing in this video. I have extremely beautiful memories of my grandpa who nurtured my love for music and always made me laugh. Our favorite song was in Ladino, Hebrew-Spanish. If I start to sing it, Grandpa will start to sing along as he remembers. Music is what brings us together, it’s one of the few things that triggers memories for Grandpa.

This song is written from the perspective of a child and I am no longer a child not will I ever have one. But when I hear it, I think about my grandpa and the wonderful influence he had on me as a child. I was often a depressed adolescent and then teenager but Grandpa always believed in me. He wanted me to be happy, even if I didn’t have a high-powered career. He loved me for he who I am.

Ladino language lyrics

Hanukah linda sta aki, ocho kandelas para mi, O…
Una kandelika, dos kandelikas, tres kandelikas,
kuatro kandelikas, sintyu kandelikas,
sej kandelikas, siete kandelikas, ocho kandelas para mi.
Muchas fiestas vo fazer, kon alegria i plazer,
Muchas fiestas vo fazer, kon alegria i plazer, O…
Una kandelika, dos kandelikas, tres kandelikas,
kuatro kandelikas, sintyu kandelikas,
sej kandelikas, siete kandelikas, ocho kandelas para mi.
Los pastelikos vo kumer, kon almendrikas i la myel,
Los pastelikos vo kumer, kon almendrikas i la myel. O…
Una kandelika, dos kandelikas, tres kandelikas,
kuatro kandelikas, sintyu kandelikas,
sej kandelikas, siete kandelikas, ocho kandelas para mi.

English translation

Beautiful Hanukkah is here. Eight candles for me, Oh…
One little candle, two little candles, three little candles,
four little candles, five little candles,
six little candles, seven little candles, eight candles for me.
There will be a lot of parties, with joy and happiness,
There will be a lot of parties, with joy and happiness, Oh…
One little candle, two little candles, three little candles,
four little candles, five little candles,
six little candles, seven little candles, eight candles for me.
We’re going to eat little pastries, with small almonds and honey,
We’re going to eat little pastries, with small almonds and honey. Oh…
One little candle, two little candles, three little candles,
four little candles, five little candles,
six little candles, seven little candles.
Eight candles for me.