Musings While Medicated: Lessons From Harry Potter


This screenshot from Tumblr was posted on a FB fanpage. Whether it’s canon or fanfic I don’t know. There are many Dramione fanfics. But from it is the crux of this post.

You could use many words to describe me.
3 of them are Hufflepuff, Jew, and stoner. I have no problem with any of these descriptors. I’m a proud badger, I’m proud of my heritage, and MMJ ended my benzo addiction.

One of the comments on this screenshot caught my interest, I think it may have been someone claiming this was their OTP (don’t quite remember, it’s been a shitty day and I’m baked). But a comment on that comment was “No way! Hashtag Pureblood Hashtag HeilHitler” Someone actually liked it!

Mortified, I asked that person not to go there. Did he learn nothing from HP? The whole rise of Voldemort was compared to Hitler. Grindelwald was compared to WWI. Pureblood wizards…pure Aryan blood…hello? No more Hitler, no more Voldy, accepting everyone. No Hogsmeade Wall, accepting people for what they believe, where they come from, who they love, the type of magic they do, or if they do magic at all. He responded in a total douchebag manner. I decided to block him and report the post. In the process of clicking on the offensive comment, I clicked on the HH hashtag. Facebook loaded tons of public posts using that horrible hashtag. A few referenced Trump followers so I ignored them.

For those who aren’t aware 4/20 (stoner Christmas) was also Hitler’s birthday. Plus the birthday of my abusive grandfather but that’s another story. There were so many horribly offensive posts about killing minorities, glorifying Hitler, and smoking a doobie in his name.  I reported about a dozen posts before I couldn’t take it any more and broke down in tears. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!

Destroying A Horcrux-In Memory of Sir Alan Rickman

With the passing of Alan Rickman, I wanted to explain what Harry Potter means to me.

Triggers my loves!

During the summer of 2007, I was in a deep state of denial. But I couldn’t handle this pain inside me anymore, I couldn’t keep it inside me. I let it explode like a volcano that’s held back for too long, I just exploded. I just let it out! HE HAD RAPED ME! IT HURT! HE SPENT 4 MONTHS TELLING ME THAT I WAS TOO BEAUTIFUL AND HE COULDN’T HELP HIMSELF! FOR 4 FUCKING MONTHS I BELIEVED THAT HE LOVED ME AND WAS GOING TO MARRY ME! WHAT A YOUNG FOOL I WAS!

I had spent over a month in bed, only getting out to pee, when I got an email from Borders reminding me that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was being released in hardcover on July 21st. I had a copy reserved and I did want it. I dragged myself out of bed and went to the midnight release of the book.

The store was crowded and I hated it. I didn’t want to be around people; I just wanted to get my book and go home. They finally called my name and I had a hardback copy of Deathly Hallows in my hands! I got myself home and started to read. I stayed up all night and read the book. Morning came and I was a teary-eyed mess. Not only had so many wonderful characters died, but this wonderful series was over. I passed the book over to my fiancée and fell asleep.

I had a thrashing sleep full of nightmares. I was fighting Voldemort to get rid of this painful horcrux inside me. I had to kill him as well. Once I could get rid of the horcrux and kill Voldemort, I would be free, I would be me again. I woke up in a sweat, my sweet dog was pawing at my arm. I knew then that I could no longer let myself sit in bed. I had to get up and fight Voldemort!

Bit by bit, I’m chipping away at the horcrux. Voldemort is getting weaker. I won’t let him feed off the unicorn. It’s not easy to destroy a horcrux but I’m working on it. One day, I will be me again, a newer, brighter, and stronger me. I will work on this everyday for the rest of my life, no matter what. Forever and ALWAYS.


My service dog wearing his Griffyndor scarf (his, not mine. I’m a Hufflepuff) and holding my wand in tribute to Alan Rickman.

Love Wins, Always.

From Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows:

“His scar burned, but he was master of the pain; he felt it, yet was apart from it. He had learned to control it at last, learned to shut his mind from Voldemort, the very thing Dumbledore had wanted him to learn from Snape. Just as Voldemort had not been able to posses Harry while Harry was consumed with grief for Sirius, so his thoughts could not penetrate Harry now, while he mourned Dobby. Grief, it seemed, drove Voldemort out…though Dumbledore, of course, would have said that it was love…”

Dumbledore said that Snape was an excellent Occlumens and of course we find out at the end that he loved Lily all along. I’m guessing that his continuing love for Lily helped him keep his mask, kept Voldemort out of his head, kept everyone out. Except during the lessons when he took those thoughts out and put them in the pensieve. He opened himself up.

The first brother died because of presumption of power. The second one was consumed by loss of his love and his selfishness in not letting the dead go.. The third willingly went and passed on the Hallow to protect someone he loved. Voldemort wanted the Hallows to rule with power and was the stereotypical selfish Slytherin. But, in the end, it’s love that will win.



Originally published on on 9/24/2015