Destroying A Horcrux-In Memory of Sir Alan Rickman

With the passing of Alan Rickman, I wanted to explain what Harry Potter means to me.

Triggers my loves!

During the summer of 2007, I was in a deep state of denial. But I couldn’t handle this pain inside me anymore, I couldn’t keep it inside me. I let it explode like a volcano that’s held back for too long, I just exploded. I just let it out! HE HAD RAPED ME! IT HURT! HE SPENT 4 MONTHS TELLING ME THAT I WAS TOO BEAUTIFUL AND HE COULDN’T HELP HIMSELF! FOR 4 FUCKING MONTHS I BELIEVED THAT HE LOVED ME AND WAS GOING TO MARRY ME! WHAT A YOUNG FOOL I WAS!

I had spent over a month in bed, only getting out to pee, when I got an email from Borders reminding me that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was being released in hardcover on July 21st. I had a copy reserved and I did want it. I dragged myself out of bed and went to the midnight release of the book.

The store was crowded and I hated it. I didn’t want to be around people; I just wanted to get my book and go home. They finally called my name and I had a hardback copy of Deathly Hallows in my hands! I got myself home and started to read. I stayed up all night and read the book. Morning came and I was a teary-eyed mess. Not only had so many wonderful characters died, but this wonderful series was over. I passed the book over to my fiancée and fell asleep.

I had a thrashing sleep full of nightmares. I was fighting Voldemort to get rid of this painful horcrux inside me. I had to kill him as well. Once I could get rid of the horcrux and kill Voldemort, I would be free, I would be me again. I woke up in a sweat, my sweet dog was pawing at my arm. I knew then that I could no longer let myself sit in bed. I had to get up and fight Voldemort!

Bit by bit, I’m chipping away at the horcrux. Voldemort is getting weaker. I won’t let him feed off the unicorn. It’s not easy to destroy a horcrux but I’m working on it. One day, I will be me again, a newer, brighter, and stronger me. I will work on this everyday for the rest of my life, no matter what. Forever and ALWAYS.

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My service dog wearing his Griffyndor scarf (his, not mine. I’m a Hufflepuff) and holding my wand in tribute to Alan Rickman.

“Big Pharma” & Privilege: Or Why I Wish Allies Would Stop Using This Phrase

I’ve been wanting to say something like this for a long time! We have different diagnoses but my views on “big pharma” are the same.

Foxglove & Firmitas

(Update 1/6/16: As of today, this post has been read almost 80 thousand times.  It was originally written for the Pagan and Polytheist communities and those who regularly read my blog, but very clearly it struck a chord with a lot of people.  I’m actually still pretty shocked by that.  I have made the decision to move any more writing on disability to a new blog, Wunderkammer by C. Laurentine, which will document living life as a disabled artist and activist.  So if after reading this you decide to follow me for my writing on disability, it will be over at the new blog.  Thank you.  Thank you a million times over for reading this.  Thank you. – Camilla)

A friend posts an article on Facebook about how the United States’ medical system does not meet the needs of those with chronic pain. This is a reality that I…

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